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Mom: Lazy ass. The amount of hours you spend inactive is enough to qualify for disability.
Son: best. Idea. Ever.
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Son: best. Idea. Ever.
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Dad: you have millk for dinner, I have beer for dinner. You build bones, I get drunk. Win-win.
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Grandpa: I didn't vote for Obama
Dad: yes you did.
Grandpa: dammit, really? Oh well.
Dad: it's official: you're useless.
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Dad: yes you did.
Grandpa: dammit, really? Oh well.
Dad: it's official: you're useless.
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Sister: I have a new boyfriend
Dad: its official: You're easier to get into than community college.
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Dad: its official: You're easier to get into than community college.
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Dad: i am going to be honest, it sounds like you are nailing her to the wall with your dick.
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Dad: how do we tell our son he was adopted?
Grandpa: is there such thing as a "Happy adoption day"?
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Grandpa: is there such thing as a "Happy adoption day"?
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Dad: How does someone manage to become as bad as you at driving? Acquired skill or head injury?
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Dad: Are you ever going to lift weights? You can't be my son. Gwen, did we ever get that paternity test scheduled?
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Mom: The next person who says something negative is going to their room.
Dad: Fuck Brett Favre. Bye.
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Dad: Fuck Brett Favre. Bye.
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Dad: My son is 27 years old, and he can't throw a steak on the grill. Instead he just fucks the microwave until a hot pocket appears.
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Dad: I work out every single day. I Run 2 miles everyday. Does hearing this make you feel like less of a man? Because it should, pussy.
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Mom: Your father had too much to drink. Will you hide the remote? He keeps ordering porn on the TV.
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Son: Can I get some new shoes?
Dad: New shoes? I don't owe you shit.
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Dad: New shoes? I don't owe you shit.
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Mom: Who is saying the blessing?
Dad: I cooked this food, and you want to thank someone else? Everyone should just thank me. Go ahead.
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Dad: I cooked this food, and you want to thank someone else? Everyone should just thank me. Go ahead.
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Grandpa: I would have given you a present for your birthday, but you know how it is. Cable TV still costs me around 60 dollars a month.
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