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Dad: Since when do skinny girls and fat girls get along?
Funny (5) Boo (3) Comment (0) Tweet This

Dad: So I let her lick the raperrrr.
Son: If you never say that again, I'm 97% sure I won't kill myself.
Funny (12) Boo (4) Comment (0) Tweet This

Dad: I saw an alcoholic bum peeing on his cat. It was terrible.
Son: Replace 'alcoholic' with 'awesome.'
Funny (6) Boo (6) Comment (0) Tweet This

Sister: What's for dinner tonight?
Dad: For you? Jenny Craig.
Funny (10) Boo (5) Comment (0) Tweet This

Son: If I had a nickel for every girl that hit on me last night
Dad: Fucking broke.
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Dad: Son, i have one rule for our house, don't disgrace it with fat chicks.

Funny (20) Boo (7) Comment (0) Tweet This

Grandpa: I hate when the scouts come to my door and ask for stuff. Little bastards. The only thing I would ever buy from them is alcohol.
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Dad: My fart smells like I just pooped in a blanket.
Son: What does that even mean?
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Son: I have never even watched porn
Dad: Yeah, right. And that lube bottle is just moisturizer, huh?
Funny (24) Boo (4) Comment (0) Tweet This

Dad: if there is one thing I hate, it's tomatoes.
Son: And exercise.
Funny (22) Boo (4) Comment (0) Tweet This

Dad: The next time that dog shits on the carpet, I am eating it.
Son: The dog or the shit?
Dad: You're not funny.
Funny (29) Boo (4) Comment (3) Tweet This

Dad: Last time I went to Taco Bell, I gave birth to obesity.
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Mom: There are starving kids in China that would eat the food.
Son: Then send this bullshit to them.
Funny (16) Boo (7) Comment (3) Tweet This

Mom: Lazy ass. The amount of hours you spend inactive is enough to qualify for disability.
Son: best. Idea. Ever.
Funny (15) Boo (4) Comment (0) Tweet This

Dad: you have millk for dinner, I have beer for dinner. You build bones, I get drunk. Win-win.
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