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Granddaughter: Grandma, I don't want you calling me nicknames anymore, it's a stupid kiddy stuff. Call me Alexis.
Grandma: Honey, you know your mom only named you that because she couldn't afford one when you were born.
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Grandpa: I would have given you a present for your birthday, but you know how it is. Cable TV still costs me around 60 dollars a month.
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Dad: Are you ever going to lift weights? You can't be my son. Gwen, did we ever get that paternity test scheduled?
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Mum: i know why you fart so much, cause your so full of shit!
Editors Note: Our first UK submission. Had to post this out of principle.
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Daughter: I should have been a conquistador. I'd have owned at that.
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Mom: Everybody is anti-drug until they try one.
Daughter: Excuse me?
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Mom: Sometimes its like I don't even know you. I mean, since when dont you like onions?
Daughter: Since I was 5
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